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Post by illwaitrocker on Oct 20, 2007 11:00:44 GMT -6
The past week had been very long and hard on him. He felt so weighed down that it wasn't even funny. It was as if he was sinking in quick sand, the more he tried to do something the deeper he'd be. He was walking out of the Hospital Wing now with a book in his hand. He coughed tiredly as he walked down the hall. It had been a week since Clover was brought to the Hospital Wing and there had really been no change in her state. Jude was beginning to lose all faith and hope in everything and his pile of school work showed it. He had skipped a lot of his classes because he was sick of worry or he wanted to see if she had gotten any better. She had been so tired and weak that she could barely come up with the strength to keep hanging on. He avoided Chris a lot out of awkwardness. It was strange to be around him especially with the way her older brother just kept everything inside when around Jude. He swallowed now, shaking slightly as he had walked. He had a dream of Clover waking up and magically being better and never sick again. It was so realistic that he had ran to the Hospital Wing with a skip in his step only to see that she was still not any better. He felt guilty for everything as though he was the cause of all of this. If he had never been in the library that day then Clover would not have gotten angry and taken off to the Forbidden Forest. He then opened his book, it was an empty book that he had been writing in. He had found a song and he read it over as he walked. A sniffle could be heard from behind the pages of the book as he read it outloud. I walked across an empty land, I knew the pathway like the back of my hand. I felt the earth beneath my feet, Sat by the river and it made me complete. Oh, simple thing, where have you gone? I'm getting old and I need something to rely on. So tell me when you're gonna let me in, I'm getting tired and I need somewhere to begin.
I came across a fallen tree, I felt the branches; are they looking at me? Is this the place we used to love? Is this the place that I've been dreaming of?
Oh, simple thing, where have you gone? I'm getting old and I need something to rely on. So, tell me when you gonna let me in, I'm getting tired and I need somewhere to begin. So if you have a minute why don't we go, Talk about it somewhere only we know? This could be the end of everything. So why don't we go, so why don't we go,
This could be the end of everything. So why don't we go, somewhere only we know, Somewhere only we know Somewhere only we know. [/center] He fiercely wiped at his eyes, he was so angry with himself. He was going outside for a walk, he had to clear his head. He knew all the teachers always noticed him sitting by the lake with his feet in the water just staring at the waters. He knew they were also worried because he past problems with depression. He didn't want to tell anyone but he's on the verge of suicide now. It was horrible to think of but he knew that if Clover had gotten better, he couldn't live with himself to be around her at all. He was so afraid of hurting her now that he knew he wasn't good enough for her, he wasn't worthy. He turned and kicked at the wall loudly and then slid down to the floor, his head against the wall. He cursed angrily in a whisper, throwing his book across the hall. He watched as it hit the wall and opened to a page with a drawing of Clover he had made before. He was an amazing artist, one of his secret talents. [[Edit: 1 galleon given by The Galleon Mistress]]
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Post by Stockmon on Oct 27, 2007 0:15:12 GMT -6
Chris didn’t read, he didn’t write. He could do both things, but he wasn’t good at either, as a hobby. He didn’t run, play sports, fly broomsticks, swim, sleep, debate. If you could think of it, he could do it, besides playing a musical instrument. But he didn’t do any of them as a hobby. So what does one do when their closest friend, of two, is half dead, lying in a hospital? Well, he visited her every day. He’d been running a lot, managing to get to her bedside between each class, and then to his next class, on time.
People probably thought it a little unusual to see him grab his book, and break out into a sprint the moment he cleared the doorway. He was getting a bad reputation for it, too. He’d accidentally pushed a few people down in his escape efforts… and he hadn’t gone back to apologize, thought he’d shouted his apologies back at them. The mere sound of his voice must have confused them. Chris wasn’t the most talkative person in the world.
But since Clover was always asleep, Chris departed quickly enough to make his next class. After the school day ended, Chris did his homework in the hospital wing. He was never deterred when the nurses told him to go to bed. He simply ignored them, until he fell asleep on his own, then he’d concede to go back to his room. But not a moment earlier.
Chris noticed he’d been seeing Jude less. Almost not at all. This pleased him alright, but he’d been avoiding Jude, so it was to be expected. He wouldn’t leave the room just because Jude came in, but he would leave earlier if he expected to see Jude. Chris wasn’t sure if this was a sign of avoidance, or his way of trying to give Jude a bit of time with Clover. Without the threat of another broken nose.
Chris rolled a scroll up, having just finished another assignment. He kissed Clover on the forehead, she was cold. He sighed, looking very mournful. He returned to his bedroom, noticing Casey wasn’t there. He must be hanging out with friends. Probably sick of arguing with Chris every night when he came in. Chris sighed again, heading outside.
But back to the first question. What does one do when their closest friend, of two, is half dead, lying in a hospital? Well, in the case of Christopher Asher, he thinks. And he’d been thinking a lot lately. Sometimes his mind wandered to unpleasant territory. What would he do if Clover died? Would he go insane? Kill himself? No. Would he stay in school? Leave? Get a job? Become a hermit? Kill his uncle? Hunt down the person who tied Clover in the forest? Wilt into a shell of a man? Probably a few of the above, especially that last one. He’d probably shut Casey out, he couldn’t bear to think of the pity. Casey was harsh when he pitied you. He’d snap, telling you just how lucky you are, and how selfish you’re being, and why you should snap out of it… all the while slipping in a word or two, but no more than five sentences, about how he knows your miserable. He managed to make you feel like he cared, but you were a selfish pile of dirt. It wasn’t a feeling Chris sought openly. But he didn’t always think about things like that. No. Sometimes he just thought. Not about classes. Not about Clover. Or Jude. Sometimes his parents. Sometimes the sky. Right now, he was thinking about how he was going to go climb up a tree. But then he saw Jude.
“Hello, Jude.” Chris said, walking up until he was about fifteen feet away from Jude, which is where he stopped. He wasn’t planning on hitting Jude. He wasn’t even thinking about Clover. After so much stress, he’d learned to completely blank his mind. And it was close enough to blank. Right now all he was thinking about was Jude, and Chris’ aversion to writing, which he only thought of because he noticed the notebook.
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Post by illwaitrocker on Oct 27, 2007 21:54:42 GMT -6
Jude swallowed when he cried but jumped slightly when another voice had broken his solitude silence.
“Hello, Jude.” He jumped again, "H-H-Hi..." He said to Chris nervously and upset. He looked around awkwardly, "I-I can leave if you want..." He said to him but made the motion already to get up and grab his things together.
He scrambled around, grabbing his quill and some of the pencils from his art kit he had gotten for his last Christmas. He looked around frantically for his sketchbook.
He shook a lot, his head low and it was clear that he was so upset that it was as if Clover had already passed away. He didn't seem to notice that the book was across the hall and he was getting frustrated, starting to freak out because he could not find it.
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Post by Stockmon on Oct 31, 2007 15:11:33 GMT -6
“H-H-Hi…” Good greif Jude sounded like a torn cassett, couldn’t he talk? Apparently the answer to that was no. “I-I can leave if you want…”
What? Was it now in Chris’s power to ward people off just by walking near by? Did he own the grounds? Was he overlord of all the earth? Do his bidding or be banished to space? Um… no.
Chris watched Jude get up, grabbing his things. But then he started looking about recklessly, apparently he couldn’t find it. Chris moved over and gently picked up what looked like an art book near by.
“Jude, is this what you’re looking for?” He asked, his voice was softer, gentle, sort of like when he talked to Clover, but it wasn’t loving. Not to say he sounded angry, or unloving, just… as if he were talking to an acquaintance. “You don’t have to leave, you know.” Chris sighed, holding the book, but not holding it out to Jude.
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Post by illwaitrocker on Oct 31, 2007 17:13:52 GMT -6
“Jude, is this what you’re looking for?” Jude noticed how much nicer Chris sounded towards him and this helped him to relax. He looked up to see his book and he nodded silently, his head down.
He was embarassed slightly as the book was still opened to his drawing of Clover and he frowned slightly. He had been very used to his father criticising his art and drawings so he was expecting the same thing to escape Chris' mouth.
“You don’t have to leave, you know.” Jude looked up almost a little relieved and happy. Well, not fully happy considering the current situation with Clover but happier. "Thanks." he said to him appreciatively. "How are you doing?" He asked Chris politely and kindly. He sighed, he knew he had to tell Chris about what the nurses in the wing had just told him but he knew it would break his heart. Finally, he spat it out, knowing that thigns wouldn't get better by delaying what was to be said. "T-...They just told me that Clover is getting worse." he said.
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Post by Stockmon on Nov 3, 2007 21:32:33 GMT -6
Jude looked upset, Chris looked down. It was Clover. Why was Clover on a piece of paper? And it was a paper in Chris’ hands. And better yet, it was a paper belonging to Jude. He looked up at him. Had Jude looked less nervous, Chris might have said something harsh.
“Thanks. How are you doing? T-… They just told me that Clover is getting worse.”
Chris heard the words, acknowledged them, and considered his options. “Nice picture, Jude. Looks just like Clover. I’m…” Chris was about to answer Jude’s question, when he gave it some thought. He wasn’t one for lying, or just shrugging off that sort of question, so he took a deep breathe and said. “I am extremely disheartened. So, been drawing for a while?”
Chris kept the sketchbook out of Jude’s reach, just in case he planned on snatching it away and pretending it wasn’t important. Chris wasn’t rude enough to switch to any other page, he’d only invade the little privacy on one page.
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Post by illwaitrocker on Nov 3, 2007 23:38:21 GMT -6
Jude saw Chris look down at his drawing and he frowned nervously, not sure of how Chris would respond to him. He didn't know whether ir would be nicely, sadly or angrily.
“Nice picture, Jude. Looks just like Clover. I’m…” Jude smiled lightly at the compliment to his picture. In truth, it did look exactly like Clover. He had gotten herh full lips perfectly, her crystal-gray eyes, her small nose and every single light freckle right.
“I am extremely disheartened. So, been drawing for a while?” Jude did not want to linger on how upset they both were so he focused on the second half of Chris' sentence.
"Yeah, I've been drawing. I drew a lot when I was younger and stopped for a while. Just recently got back into the kick of things. Do you like to draw?" He asked Chris. Personally, he was hoping that Chris would not look further into the pages, especially the next few ones where he was working on a drawing of Clover in a wedding dress. That was an embarassing one but Jude loved the drawing of it. He had made it look as though she was spinning in the snow and her arms gracefully stretched, catching snowflakes against her skin.
He did not know what further to say and wondered why Chris had not given the notebook back to him. He did not want to make it so obvious as to why he wanted it back.
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Post by Stockmon on Nov 6, 2007 19:45:15 GMT -6
"Yeah, I've been drawing. I drew a lot when I was younger and stopped for a while. Just recently got back into the kick of things. Do you like to draw?" Jude asked. Chris noticing he looked anxious to get the notebook back. But it just seemed too amusing to give in. He should probably have given it back, but this was too pleasant a conversation between the two, there had to be something wrong with it.
“Eh, I’ve drawn some.” Chris said shortly. He used to draw, when he was younger. But all little kids draw. And then he drew a whole lot during his first and seconds years at Howarts. Maybe he might have called it a way of coping without Clover. But it wasn’t. It was his hobby, and when she was anywhere he could help her, he did. So his drawings got the shaft. Too bad, he had been alright. He even draw a portrait of half the first years, his second year. He had one of Jude, a little eleven year old. He didn’t feel the need to mention that right now though. “I used to draw, but I don’t anymore.” He said.
He did draw, but only at night. Only when Clover was healthy, or when he couldn’t visit her in the hospital. When she was healthy he drew waterfalls, and flowers, and wolves. When she was ill, he drew rain, and cloudy days, tombstones, dead roses, full pages of black, oh… and wolves. But he wasn’t going to mention these things to Jude, unless a very unusual string of events unfolded, but he doubted that.
“You are good though.” He said, emphasizing his point a bit more, examining the portrait, very good. Detailed like Chris had always hated to be. Well, he used to like detail, but now it was tiresome, and he just didn’t do it, he was more abstract. Maybe because his feelings were more abstract now.
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Post by illwaitrocker on Nov 6, 2007 21:39:11 GMT -6
Jude looked up to the older for his answer. “Eh, I’ve drawn some.” Chris said shortly. Understanding that Chris didn't draw anymore he tried to steer the subject in a different direction. “You are good though.” He smiled lightly as no one had ever complimented his work. "Thank you." He said. He then began thinking about something that was bothering him. "Chris. I don't mean to be so serious right now and talking to you about this but how much does Clover love me?" He asked him. "Do you know, if not it's fine. I've just been thinking of something that I should do. Or shouldn't may be the right term." He tapped his pencil against the floor for a few seconds trying to calm himself as he thought of what he was going to say.
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Post by Stockmon on Nov 9, 2007 20:28:38 GMT -6
Everything was going fine with Jude. This was partially because Chris had not snapped at him, and had been acting unlike an enemy, which he more or less still was. It was going fine, until Jude said, “Thank you.” Okay no. Thank you was fine, really it was, but then he kept going. “Chris. I don’t mean to be so serious right now and talking to you about this but” See. Right there. Right at the but, he should have stopped. “But… oh never mind, I don’t want to ruin the moment.” Oh no…. that wasn’t what he said. He said something Chris hadn’t expected, on any day. He said something Chris wouldn’t have expected Jude to have asked his best friend, let alone the guy who had once broken his nose, and wouldn’t hesitate to do it again given a reason. He said, “How much does Clover love me?”
Chris twitched. There was no way Jude had missed it, unless he was blind. Chris’s right eye had jerked to a close, fluttered there for a moment, and then returned to normal. And that was, in Chris’s humble opinion, a twitch.
“Do you know, if not it’s fine. I’ve just been thinking of something that I should do. Or shouldn’t may be the right term.”
Chris made sure he wasn’t twitching anymore. A guy like Chris could only twitch so much, no matter how much the situation demanded it. Had Jude just said, “do you know, if not it’s fine.”? If not? What didn’t Chris know about his baby sister? Who did she confide in late at night when no one else was laying by her sick bed? Who else did she spend her summers with, good or bad? Who else knew what she was thinking even when she didn’t want to say it? Okay, maybe Jude was capable of that last one, but not as much as Chris, he was fairly certain. And then there was the pencil tapping. Jude was tapping a pencil against something hard, and it was grading against Chris’s nerves.
He wanted to say, “Jude, we are not friends. We will never be friends, and you had best leave Clover alone before-“ But no. He’d give too much away. He could say “No.” He could say, “Shut up.” He could say, “Why are you asking me?” He could even say, “That is none of your business, and even though I am being polite to you now, don’t mistake it for forgiveness or friendship.” But no, his conscious kept his tongue in check for enough time to pass over those options.
“Um…” Chris gulped. This was not a nervous gulp, this was a self-restraining gulp. Breath. Breath again. Breath without glaring. Chris blinked, took a deep breath and opened his mouth slowly. “Clover. You. Love. Right… Why are you asking… me?” He asked. He needed something to cling to, before saying something he would, and he knew he would, regret.
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Post by illwaitrocker on Nov 9, 2007 22:14:18 GMT -6
Jude waited silently for a response only to receive, “Clover. You. Love. Right… Why are you asking… me?”[/b] He sighed and figured their conversation would be a lot easier if he had just came out and said it.
"W-...When Clover wakes up. I won't be there." He said. "I'm going to stop our friendship entirely. I hurt her too much and get her in too much trouble. I promise though that I'll help in any way I can to get her healthy and awake but as soon as opens her eyes..." He looked down at his hands.
"It will all be for the best. I know I don't need to ask you to look over her once I break the tie but...it will make me feel a little better knowing for sure that she will be in good hands. I'm not good for her. Things will only go downhill from her if she stays friends with me or more, girlfriend with me."
He felt a deep burning in his throat as he said this. He didn't want to do this but he had been thinking of it over the past few nights. If it weren't for him, she would never have been taken and attacked.
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Post by Stockmon on Nov 10, 2007 17:51:42 GMT -6
“W-...When Clover wakes up. I won't be there. I'm going to stop our friendship entirely. I hurt her too much and get her in too much trouble. I promise though that I'll help in any way I can to get her healthy and awake but as soon as opens her eyes…” Jude said, looking down. Chris clenched his jaw again, making sure to listen to everything before reacting.
“It will all be for the best. I know I don't need to ask you to look over her once I break the tie but...it will make me feel a little better knowing for sure that she will be in good hands. I'm not good for her. Things will only go downhill from her if she stays friends with me or more, girlfriend with me.”
“No.” Chris said, scowling at Jude. He really wanted to give him a good knock in the head. His punch had seemed to work the last time. Maybe Jude just thought more clearly when he was in physical pain. He took a deep breath, pausing for emphasis, “I don’t like you. I am not your friend. I am your enemy is anything at all. I will continue to distrust you, especially if… you think that taking away one of my sister’s closest relationships, and best confidants… will help her. I understand our fighting is what… um… resulted in her being how she is right now. I’m not saying I’ll stop fighting with you, I won’t. But if you want to help Clover, and from what you’re saying, apparently you do, letting her die, and leaving his lonely are not the ways to go about that. I do not want you two dating, as I am sure you know. But… she should have more than one friend, being me, and you seem the most likely candidate. She trusts you, don’t you think…” Chris closed his eyes, “Don’t you think she should be allowed to keep the friends she has?”
He wasn’t sure he’d said it how he needed to. He wasn’t sure he got his point across. But Chris couldn’t simply shake Jude by the shoulders and shout “No, you idiot! Stay friends with her, defy me, and make her happy! Why don’t you get that it helps?!” No. He wasn’t going to do that… Well, unless Jude remained as dense as he was being right now. Chris sighed.
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Post by illwaitrocker on Nov 10, 2007 23:22:55 GMT -6
“I don’t like you. I am not your friend. I am your enemy is anything at all." It took everything in Jude to not say, "Really? I didn't know! But he held his tongue and remained silent, listening to Chris.
"I will continue to distrust you, especially if… you think that taking away one of my sister’s closest relationships, and best confidants… will help her. I understand our fighting is what… um… resulted in her being how she is right now. I’m not saying I’ll stop fighting with you, I won’t. But if you want to help Clover, and from what you’re saying, apparently you do, letting her die, and leaving his lonely are not the ways to go about that. I do not want you two dating, as I am sure you know. But… she should have more than one friend, being me, and you seem the most likely candidate. She trusts you, don’t you think…”[/b]
"And she will have more than one friend. Clover is a very likeable person and she can easily make other friends. I just get her into too much trouble and I can't care for her. See...In the forest, when we were bringing her back. I wasn't strong enough, I chickened out. I can't just go back to her and make her think that I can protect her. And besides, she doesn't love me that much. She can easily move on after a week or so." He said firmly. "Now, please, give me back my book, I have a drawing to finish..." He siad. "And I may not come back to Hogwarts after the Christmas Holidays." He concluded, tracing his hand against the stone floors.
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Post by Stockmon on Nov 14, 2007 18:30:51 GMT -6
It was sick and wrong. Chris, of all people, Chris should not be the one trying to convince Jude to stick around. And yet he had. After wrenching all form of pride from himself and tossing it someplace, what did he get back? Arguments.
"And she will have more than one friend. Clover is a very likeable person and she can easily make other friends. I just get her into too much trouble and I can't care for her. See...In the forest, when we were bringing her back. I wasn't strong enough, I chickened out. I can't just go back to her and make her think that I can protect her. And besides, she doesn't love me that much. She can easily move on after a week or so. Now, please, give me back my book, I have a drawing to finish... And I may not come back to Hogwarts after the Christmas Holidays.”
Idiot. Idiot. Moron. Stupid idiot. Chris was literally biting his tongue to keep from saying one, or all of those things. Sure, Clover was likeable. Chris thought so at least, but it had been six years and she wasn’t any more popular than she was going to get, most likely. Chris narrowed his eyes but stopped soon enough,
“Yeah. Clover is likeable. But I’m not sure where you get that ‘easily make other friends’ part. She hasn’t yet. I’m not sure why. I don’t because I suppose people think I am Anti-social. Point being; Fine. You weren’t strong enough? IT was you and I. We got her back. Unless you think I’m amazing or something, you certainly had something to do with it.” Chris said, omitting the part about Jude wanting to kill Clover, and Chris breaking his nose. “Move on? In a week? It would take me more than a week to move on after losing Casey Christos, for crying out loud! I don’t even know what you’re thinking. But fine. Don’t come back, leave forever. I’ll just end up consoling Clover, sitting by her bed each night, and trying to make it seem less tragic. Again. Finish your artwork then, Jude. At least you’re committed to something.” Chris snapped.
He refused to look at Jude. He really didn’t think the conversation had anything left to it. He had just lost Clover a friend. And he blamed himself entirely. Well, he blamed Jude a little too, but he always blamed Jude. So now he was going to have to try to convince Clover to forgive him. He slammed his fist into the hard wall as he walked inside, just out of Jude’s view. He looked down at the slightly bloodied knuckles on that hand, glaring at them. How dare they show weakness. They were not supposed to do that. He didn’t care to bandage them, or do anything for them at all. He just leaned against the wall, running words through his head. Scenarios. All the worst things that could happen when Clover woke up. And how he, unless Jude did it himself, would have to tell Clover what had happened today. He shouldn’t have gotten up this month.
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Post by illwaitrocker on Nov 14, 2007 18:49:13 GMT -6
Yeah. Clover is likeable. But I’m not sure where you get that ‘easily make other friends’ part. She hasn’t yet. I’m not sure why. I don’t because I suppose people think I am Anti-social. Point being; Fine. You weren’t strong enough? IT was you and I. We got her back. Unless you think I’m amazing or something, you certainly had something to do with it.” Jude growled in his head, he was getting annoyed with this. "Move on? In a week? It would take me more than a week to move on after losing Casey Christos, for crying out loud! I don’t even know what you’re thinking. But fine. Don’t come back, leave forever. I’ll just end up consoling Clover, sitting by her bed each night, and trying to make it seem less tragic. Again. Finish your artwork then, Jude. At least you’re committed to something.”
Jude listened to Chris snapping at him and he stood up sharply. "Why the hell would you care? You've wanted me gone since day one. And don't you dare try to make me feel guilty when all I'm trying to is help your f**k**g sister!" He growled. "You know what, maybe I don't love her at all anymore? Maybe I'm tired of her." Jude was annoyed and was about to pull the books out of his hand. "Chris, even if I were to keep around her and eventually date her you would still not even approve. That is strange because I treat her like a princess and I thought any older brother would appreciate that. I'm not going around and f**k**g her!" He was freaking out now. "I'm not abusing her! I'm not insulting her but you act like I do! So when you go to your sister and tell her how Jude was the mean big bad wolf, don't forget to tell her that it was you that pushed me over the edge."
He stepped forward and went to yank his artbook out of Chris' hand. He was at the point now where he wanted to tear out the drawing of Clover since he was so blindly angry. "I hate her now if that helps you."
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