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Post by mila2007 on Mar 15, 2008 16:26:08 GMT -6
Jessie seemed annoyed with him for a moment. Lucas dropped his gaze, going back to fiddling with his hands. He was confused and a bit scared, but he would do whatever he could to help Jessie. She hugged him and Lucas felt better. He hugged her back, sighing contentedly. She let go. “Sure…D-don’t… Whatever you want… just don’t leave, please.” He nodded his head. He didn't need his guitar for the song he had decided on. The song he listened to all the time when he was cooped up in his room, feeling miserable. "Let me take you down, 'cause I'm going to Strawberry Fields. Nothing is real and nothing to get hung about. Strawberry Fields forever.
Living is easy with eyes closed, misunderstanding all you see. It's getting hard to be someone but it all works out. It doesn't matter much to me." It was getting hard to be someone. Lucas wondered if it would continue this way or if it would get easier. He trusted the latter, he'd have to hang in there. Be strong, be tough. Keep moving forward. "No one I think is in my tree, I mean it must be high or low. That is you can't you know tune in but it's all right. That is I think it's not too bad.
Let me take you down, 'cause I'm going to Strawberry Fields. Nothing is real and nothing to get hung about. Strawberry Fields forever.
Always no sometimes think it's me, but you know I know when it's a dream. I think I know I mean "Yes," but it's all wrong. That is I think I disagree." He cast a light smile, closing his eyes. Feeling Jessie's presence next to him made him feel better, made him forget about his past. "Let me take you down, 'cause I'm going to Strawberry Fields. Nothing is real and nothing to get hung about. Strawberry Fields forever. Strawberry Fields forever." He opened his eyes in understanding. Jessie was the key. Jessie had been the key along. He was the key to her and she was the key to him. He didn't feel any other way when he was around any other person. He silently breathed the last line of the song, still in awe of his discovery. "Strawberry Fields forever..." He blinked before smiling lightly. Yes, that was good. “Something wrong Lucas?”Lucas said nothing for a second looking out the window. He felt like he was in a daze. I am he as you are he as you are me and we are all together. See how they run like pigs from a gun, see how they fly. He nodded suddenly. I'm crying. "No, nothing's wrong." I am the eggman... "Nothing at all." He wrapped an arm around Jessie's shoulders. They are the eggmen. "Jessie," he said looking deep into her eyes. "Ah want... Ah want ya to feel good about... everything. And Ah want ya to be happy again... and to not let this... let this get to ya, even though Ah know it probably will. Ah want to feel good about everything too. So... so can Ah kiss ya?" He licked his lips nervously. I am the walrus. "Just a kiss," he said simply, even managing to put a smile on his face. "Ya can say no if ya want..."
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Post by Stockmon on Mar 15, 2008 17:47:59 GMT -6
"Let me take you down, 'cause I'm going to Strawberry Fields. Nothing is real and nothing to get hung about. Strawberry Fields forever.
Living is easy with eyes closed, misunderstanding all you see. It's getting hard to be someone but it all works out. It doesn't matter much to me." Jessie listened to Lucas sing. It was a bit different hearing him sing without the guitar, but she liked it and it made her feel better. "No one I think is in my tree, I mean it must be high or low. That is you can't you know tune in but it's all right. That is I think it's not too bad.
Let me take you down, 'cause I'm going to Strawberry Fields. Nothing is real and nothing to get hung about. Strawberry Fields forever.
Always no sometimes think it's me, but you know I know when it's a dream. I think I know I mean "Yes," but it's all wrong. That is I think I disagree.
Let me take you down, 'cause I'm going to Strawberry Fields. Nothing is real and nothing to get hung about. Strawberry Fields forever. Strawberry Fields forever." “ No, nothing’s wrong.” He sounded better, Jessie noticed. He didn’t sound as if he were entirely faking it. But there had to be something different about him. But when Lucas wrapped an arm around Jessie’s shoulders she stopped worrying about it, letting herself lean closer to him. “ Jessie,” He was saying, Jessie had to look at his eyes, gulping, “ Ah want… Ah want ya to feel good about… everything.” Jessie blinked, that was nice. Better than nice, but nice just felt like the right word. “ And Ah want ya to be happy again…” She wanted to be happy again. Being around Lucas always made her happier. “ and to not let this… let this get to ya, even though Ah know it probably will.” Well it wasn’t going as badly as when her mother had died. Technically her mother was closer than her uncle, but she might have been closer to him. But Lucas made a difference, things were different, luckily she seemed to be different. “ Ah want to feel good about everything too.” Avoiding abnormal sounding phrases, Jessie just sort of nodded a little, she wanted him to be happy. “ So… so can Ah kiss ya?” Instant mood swing. Or more like, instant knot in stomach. The mood was still something like the same. “ Just a kiss,” Just… just was so not the word for that kind of a question. “ Ya can say no if ya want…” Just say no. Where had she heard that phrase before? Something to do with drugs, she was pretty sure. Drugs? Huh… Lucas used to do drugs. Maybe-… this was not the time for a lengthy pause thinking about unrelated topics. Well… what did she think about the related topic? It really hadn’t occurred to her at any point in the day that she’d be asked that question, but if she were to even answer that question it would be to Lucas. “Um… if you want to, yes.” She said softly, still a bit confused, she hadn’t a clue what else to do so she just waited for his reply.
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Post by mila2007 on Apr 10, 2008 16:20:51 GMT -6
Lucas was surprised at his level of calmness. He should have been freaking out, just up and asking a girl to kiss him. If she agreed to it, it wouldn't be his first kiss. It wasn't like he didn't know what he was doing, in other words. No, Lucas had had his proverbial dip in the pond many a time.
Jessie looked nervous, which was expected. “Um… if you want to, yes," she replied softly, hiding her face.
Lucas was no fool. He could read body language like a bloodhound reads a fox's scent. He didn't want to do anything to freak her out. Ever. He cared about her severely, and he pondered for a moment how it might be his downfall. But that was silly. Caring about someone couldn't bring around disaster. Nevertheless, Lucas wanted to avoid a possible fall-out. Especially with Jessie who always seemed so fragile anyway. He wasn't any psychiatrist or anything but Lucas felt that Jessie was a very secluded person who, when she opened up, was a pleasure to be around. Sometime the seclusion got in the way however, making it hard to remember that fact. Lucas loved Jessie, but some of her quirks puzzled him. Not to say that he got angry about them, just puzzled. He wanted to know more about her, even more than he already did.
Did that make him greedy? No, it made him curious. Jessie was like a book, he figured, with some pages missing. It was frustrating. In the middle of a climatic scene you turn the page only to find several missing. Even if you recovered the missing pages, the rest of the book could still be missing some. That's how Jessie was. He'd find some of her pages, and she'd surprise him with more missing pieces.
Lucas wasn't angry. He felt extremely calm as said before. It sort of worried him for a moment. Was it right to be so calm in a situation like right now? Tilting Jessie's head up to his, he smiled warmly. "But Ah asked if ya wanted to. Don't worry about little ol' me."
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Post by Stockmon on Apr 11, 2008 21:08:49 GMT -6
Jessie was feeling very much ill at ease. Honestly, it wasn’t normal for these questions to come up on days like this. She should be mourning. She planned to mourn for months, years… but most people wouldn’t know it. She didn’t really get better, just distracted. They looked the same. Well this was one good distraction, to be sure.
When Lucas didn’t do anything she got a bit less tense. It wasn’t that he made her uncomfortable, it was just the question. He seemed to be thinking, Jessie could only imagine what. She wasn’t really thinking, just feeling. Feeling a bit more relaxed. Silence usually didn’t relax her, but it didn’t last long anyway.
“But ah asked if ya wanted to. Don’t worry about little ol’ me.” Oh had he now? Jessie recalled the question of if he could kiss her, not if she wanted him to. And don’t worry about him? Well…
“I’m not worried about you, Lucas.” Jessie said softly, looking at Lucas as he titled her face toward his. She closed her eyes for a moment. She always felt self-conscious doing that, when didn’t she? But she felt scared knowing people could see her but she couldn’t see them, plus they might think she was weird for closing her eyes. She avoided it. She didn’t think Lucas would mind, and if he did… well he’d allot her this moment either way.
So the question was now, did she want Lucas to kiss her? Did she want to kiss Lucas? She didn’t worry about Lucas, she trusted him with everything. This wasn’t something she’d given much thought to, honestly… but she was now. It didn’t take all too long to pick a few words, “I’d say, Lucas… yes, I want to.” She finally said slowly.
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Post by mila2007 on Apr 17, 2008 16:06:38 GMT -6
Jessie tilted her face towards his. “I’m not worried about you, Lucas.” She looked nervous for a moment before looking away. Lucas blinked. His mind had hit a blank. It was an odd feeling; having your brain to quit on you. It wasn't bad but it wasn't necessarily good either. Had Jessie broken him?
“I’d say, Lucas… yes, I want to," Jessie finally admitted slowly. Lucas felt a pang of doubt lance his head, clearing the fog that was blocking out his thoughts and ideas. She looked unsure and she sounded unsure, but her words and eyes said otherwise. He decided to risk it.
Letting his index finger tip under her chin, Lucas turned her head towards his and lightly placed his lips against hers. He knew it wasn't a lover's kiss, but he had no intention for it to be one in the first place. Just a slow, light peck on her soft lips and that was it. He pulled away slowly, now fully cupping her chin in his hand. Affectionately, he ran his thumb over his temple. "Now ya listen to me," he said seriously. "Ah'm not going to let ya beat yaself up about this. Ah will support ya the entire way, and if ya need a shoulder to cry on, by all means, Ah'm your man. But the one thing Ah won't settle for is ya letting this ruin your year." He stared into her eyes boldly, hoping he wasn't sounding insensitive. He knew what it was like to lose someone close to you. He had lost himself for a while, and sometimes that was the saddest and scariest loss of all. Lucas hadn't known Jessie for long, but he knew she was very sensitive and that, if push came to shove, she could lose herself because of her uncle's death. He took the letter about her uncle from the couch, suddenly feeling very parental. He tucked the letter into her palm and curled his own fingers over her tiny fist. "Don't look at it anymore. It's not going to help any. Do what ya want with it, just don't look at it again." Taking a deep breath, he let his hand fall from her cheek and closed his eyes. He was tense, he had to admit. Very tense, and he didn't like it.
Opening his eyes, he looked at Jessie, expression softening. Taking her hands in his, he bowed his head to look at them clasped on the couch. "Ah know it's going to be hard. Damn hard. And Ah know that ya've lost people in the past," he paused, swallowing thickly before raising his eyes to meet hers. "But ya can't lose yourself. Ya just can't, Jessie. The world comes at ya hard, and throws obstacles in your way but ya have to keep... keep going. Or else ya can lose yaself, and that's the time when you're really going to need someone to grab ya by the scruff of the neck and pull ya back. So please, please..." He tightened his grip on her hands. "Don't let this destroy ya."
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Post by Stockmon on Apr 22, 2008 22:17:11 GMT -6
She felt Lucas tilt her face up and gently kiss her. It was short and soft, but Jessie liked it. He rubbed a finger over her skin and started talking, “Now ya listen to me, Ah’m not going to let ya beat yaself up about this.”
Jessie had been thoroughly distracted for a moment, but now she was reminded of what it was that had brought them to the floor of their common room. She pulled her face away a bit, looking down at her knees. Jared. Lucas was trying to help, which was good, but Jessie didn’t want to think. “Ah will support ya the entire way, and if ya need a shoulder to cry on, by all means, Ah’m your man.” Jessie swallowed, listening to the less than babying dialogue. “But the one thing Ah won’t settle for it ya letting this ruin your year.”
Her year? What was so special about her year? She remembered meeting Lucas, some drama about a kidnapping, and Jared’s death. The year, if only calendar year, was now focused on Jared’s death. Why had he died? What could have prevented it? He was only thirty-one years old, he shouldn’t be dead. His sister had died at the age of twenty-nine, she was too young to die too. Jessie blinked a bit, trying to focus again on Lucas. He was trying to make eye contact, Jessie looked away.
Lucas took the letter and put it into Jessie’s hand, “Don’t look at it anymore. It’s not going to help any. Do what ya want with it, just don’t look at it again.” Lucas said seriously, pulling his hand back. He seemed on edge a bit. Jessie sighed, but then Lucas took her hands and looked at them, “Ah know it’s going to be hard. Damn hard. And Ah know that ya’ve lost people in the past, But ya can’t lose yourself.” That sounded familiar. Hadn’t Lucas told her, many months ago, not to lose herself? “Ya just can’t, Jessie. The world comes at ya hard, and throws obstacles in your way, but ya have to keep… keep going. Or else ya can lose yaself, and that’s the time when you’re really going to need someone to grab ya by the scruff of the neck and pull ya back.” Lovely imagine. “So please, please… Don’t let this destroy ya.”
Jessie swallowed again, wanting to pull back and go hide someplace. Lucas was blunt sometimes, but he was also sweet. “I told you before, and I’ll tell you again, Lucas…” Jessie said, pausing as she pulled her hands back, “I won’t lose myself.” She gave Lucas a hug, her head resting on his shoulder because she didn’t want to let go. “I don’t have much to lose… but… if I have a reason to be… to not lose myself, I’ll be alright.” She paused, “And I guess I have a reason.” She sighed.
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Post by mila2007 on Apr 27, 2008 15:13:28 GMT -6
Lucas felt a pang hit his chest when Jessie broke eye contact with him, looking away. He was surprised at how small a gesture could hurt so much. “I told you before, and I’ll tell you again, Lucas… I won’t lose myself.”
The seriousness in her tone reassured the older boy, but only slightly. She hugged him tightly and he wrapped his arms around her shoulders. “I don’t have much to lose… but… if I have a reason to be… to not lose myself, I’ll be alright. And I guess I have a reason.” Jessie sighed, head rested on his shoudler. Lucas rubbed her back gently, not knowing fully what to say. "Ya always have a reason," he whispered, locking his eyes with the wall. He felt strange, almost disturbed. And he couldn't place his finger on why. Perhaps it was the sadness slicing the room, or just how death could ruin a person or a day. Lucas wasn't very fond of death. He was lucky enough to have not experienced it that often in his own family, but it was a very scary topic for him nevertheless.
Death had a way of taking people away among other things. He remembered when his grandmother had died he had been too young to fully understand, but he grasped the fact that she wasn't coming back. Wasn't coming back... Such a hard thing to understand.
Was it better to die or was it better to die and still be alive?
Lucas would take death anyday.
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Post by Stockmon on Apr 27, 2008 20:27:52 GMT -6
Jessie felt Lucas’ arms wrap tightly around her shoulders and it made her feel safer. Not really safe, because she just didn’t feel safe overall at this point. It wasn’t her own safety she was concerned about, physically speaking. But she felt safer from bad things happening around her, protected, something like that. When he began to rub her back Jessie was reminded of a series of events, but she resisted telling Lucas of them for the moment.
“Ya always have a reason,”
Jessie scoffed softly, “Not everyone has a reason… so even when they do some people don’t see it… I guess I don’t always see it.” She said, she knew it sounded cynical but she supposed cynical was a step above utterly heartbrokenly depressed. “I…” Jessie started, remembering when her cousin Megan had been rubbing the back of a friend of hers. It was the morning after some big party that Megan had taken Jessie to the preceding summer, something her father would no doubt have not approved of. “remember a party my cousin Megan took me to…” the train of thought was carrying her a ways off, but she didn’t feel the need to explain all the stops to Lucas, “Anyway I remember one of the songs playing, ‘I’m tired of my life, I feel so in between.’ I don’t know if that makes the most sense in the world… but I remembered that part of the song. I really wasn’t paying much attention to the party…” she mumbled, remembering the random group of girls in a corner drinking, Jessie had avoided that corner, and by the time Megan had stopped flirting long enough to notice it, the two left. Not the best memory.
Jessie was obviously trying to distract herself. Kissing Lucas was a distraction which she had not suggested. Remembering the party was a bit of a mental protection she was putting up. She didn’t want to have to think about what was killing her. She wasn’t going to deal with it; she had never dealt with her mother’s death she just… distracted herself. Jessie felt a few tears roll down her cheeks, but she simply held on tighter to Lucas. “You are one of the best people I know, Lucas. Thank you for being sweet.” She said softly.
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Post by mila2007 on May 6, 2008 17:59:13 GMT -6
Jessie scoffed. “Not everyone has a reason… so even when they do some people don’t see it… I guess I don’t always see it.” Lucas looked down at his bare feet, feeling a mixture of emotion. Jessie's words made him feel bad for some reason but he couldn't explain why. "Everybody has a reason," he whispered mostly to himself, as if his own words of comfort could chase away the possible harsh reality of hers. Everyone did have a reason. Didn't they?
Shivering slightly, Lucas listened to Jessie talk. “I… remember a party my cousin Megan took me to… Anyway I remember one of the songs playing, ‘I’m tired of my life, I feel so in between.’ I don’t know if that makes the most sense in the world… but I remembered that part of the song. I really wasn’t paying much attention to the party…”
The song sounded sad. Lucas said nothing, running a thumb over the sole of his foot distractedly. He was still a bit peeved about the whole "everyone has a reason" thing. Finally, he nodded. "Ya should never be tired of life. It throws so many surprises, ya never know what happens next." Even though he knew this to be true, he could tell how lax and dead his voice sounded. He was suddenly afraid, wondering if something was wrong with him.
“You are one of the best people I know, Lucas. Thank you for being sweet,” Jessie said softly, shaking Lucas from his thoughts. The Scottish teen offered a small smile though he didn't raise his head to meet his friend's. "No problem, Jessie," he said, trying to sound more genuine. His heart was beating rapidly and he could feel himself shaking through his t-shirt. Was he getting sick? Could words even do that to a person? Lucas' sensitivity could get the better of him sometimes, but this was ridiculous and he felt slightly foolish which added to his problem.
He felt like he should at least explain to Jessie what was happening to him right now. Even if he didn't quite understand himself. "Um, Ah'm alright," he began slowly. How could she not feel him shaking like that, when he was so close to her. He also felt that Jessie and he were so close that the other could tell when something was wrong. "Well... not really," he admitted, still rubbing the sole of his foot. Sighing, almost angrily, he ran his hands through his hair and rested his arms on his crossed legs. "Ah don't know, Jessie. Ah just feel like... Ah'm not myself suddenly." He blinked a few times, trying to figure out what he was trying to say. "So... Ah don't think it would be wise to continue this discussion any further or else we'll both end up feeling worse." Lucas hugged her, giving her a tight squeeze. "Ah'm sorry... Ah just feel really weird all-all of a..." he found he couldn't finish. Swallowing to loosen his suddenly tight throat, Lucas pulled away from Jessie and stumbled his way up the stairs and to his room.
“Not everyone has a reason… so even when they do some people don’t see it… I guess I don’t always see it.”
Closing his door, Lucas leaned against it heavily and stared at himself in the mirror across the room. He looked tired, frightened, and very upset. He didn't feel like going to the bathroom to wash up because that would mean facing Jessie again and he felt he couldn't do that at the moment. He was a coward for running away from her when she needed him the most. He was a selfish coward. He needed to cry or yell or something... He needed to do something. Sliding down the door, Lucas collapsed in a heap at the threshhold, cradling his head in his hands.
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Post by Stockmon on May 17, 2008 16:02:52 GMT -6
”Everybody has a reason,” Lucas said so softly Jessie hardly heard it. He didn’t sound so sure of himself which caused Jessie to look at him closely, he was looking down. “Ya should never be tired of life.” She hadn’t said she was tired of life, she sighed when he said it.
“People get tired of life all the time, probably some of that results in suicide.” Jessie said quietly, not really agreeing with Lucas’ statement.
“It throws so many surprises, ya never know what happens next.” Lucas sounded dead right now, Jessie scooted back a bit, trying to figure out what might be the problem. “No problem, Jessie.” He looked ill, and a bit freaked out. Jessie raised an eye brow in concern.
“L-Lucas…. Are you… alright?” Jessie tried to ask quietly, but Lucas replied quickly.
“Um, Ah’m alright,” Uh-huh, sure he was, Jessie scoffed. He was shaking, people who were alright didn’t shake like that, or at all really. “Well… not really,” Lucas sighed angrily, “Ah don’t know, Jessie. Ah just feel like… Ah’m not myself suddenly. So… Ah don’t think it would be wise to continue this discussion any further or else we’ll both end up feeling worse.” He said, giving her a quick, tight, hug. “Ah’m sorry… Ah just feel really weird all-all of a…” He didn’t finish, running upstairs quickly
“Lucas…” Jessie mumbled as the door to Lucas’ room closed, she sighed. She walked slowly up to her room, stuffing the letter inside her pillow case, she grabbed a page out of her notebook where she usually got her letter papers. Jotting down, “Sorry you feel badly. I really hope you feel better, Lucas. I’m going to go think, so you can get better. –Jessie.” She folded it twice to make the paper appear smaller, then took her wand and enchanted the paper to find its way under Lucas’ door, which she let it do a moment later. Jessie took a deep breath and lay down on her bed, knowing she would have to write her father soon so he wouldn’t consider taking her out of school for the rest of the year.
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